Daily Diary

Diary Top 10: associating with the enemy

Posted 17/10/2006 by legalweekblogs.com SU

Last week Allen & Overy (A&O) declared the latest phase of its war on attrition, as its Second Annual Associate Satisfaction Review unveiled hefty pay-rises, ditched its lockstep for senior associates and axed those always-unpopular firmwide bonuses.

However, as the firm stresses, there is more to the reforms than simply sliding a metaphorical brown envelope under the cubicle doors of disgruntled associates. The Diary can hereby reveal the top 10 associate-pleasing measures to improve associate retention at New Change:

1) regular foot-rubs from Guy Beringer;
2) prestigious ‘Employee of the Week’ accolade to be awarded to every staff member not less than once every seven days;
3) introduction of 14 convenient new barriers to partnership to create illusion of career progression;
4) headquarters moved from London to New York so everyone can say they work for a US firm without having to leave;
5) humorous dress-down day for finance staff whenever major corporate clients are in the building;
6) programme for associates to outsource themselves to overseas locations including Goa, Las Vegas and DisneyWorld Paris;
7) ground-breaking overhaul of associate remuneration to become an annual tradition;
8) all ‘Way Out’ signs removed from office corridors to be replaced by confusing array of mirrors, dead-ends and blind alleys;
9) free supply of Stella Artois and luxury chocolates to celebrate A&O’s undisputed status as leading magic circle firm in Belgium; and
10) firm to move out of soulless hell-hole that is Canary Wharf sometime next decade.

Could A&O do more to stop want-away associates fleeing New Change? Post your recommendations below if you think your inner managing partner can do better.