Daily Diary

The email is more deadly than the mail

Posted 20/02/2007 by The Daily Diary

What is it about Clifford Chance (CC) and emails? After all, it is not so very long ago (well, 2002) that the City monolith nearly crumbled to dust after the unfortunate ‘padding-gate’ episode, all due to a rogue memo falling into the wrong hands.

Now the firm has been rocked again by a scarcely-less incendiary missive from a departing junior lawyer, who sent a rambling but still entertaining memo to colleagues on his last day at the firm, 1 February.

The email – which includes mediations on greed, human mortality and daytime TV  – was copied to colleagues but eventually found its way to The Diary. And here it is.

"Dear all,

"I am leaving the firm today, forever. Since I will not see most of you ever again, it's no different than [sic] if you were about to die, and vice versa. So [I] thought this was worth a goodbye email on our respective death beds and some words of wisdom. Although where that leaves the majority of people who have never met me, and thus haven't even been born, I don't know.

"Don't buy into the corporate rubbish about profit before personality. Unless you don't have a personality, in which case you don't have so many options. We have the luxury now of having a high standard of living in this country, so we can take the foot off the accelerator and learn to respect basic humanity and our wider environment, and watch more daytime TV in the process.

"And it does apply to everyone in society. The entrepreneur bossing the banker bullying the partner swatting the fly annoying the trainee. Sadly though, the lowest common denominator does seem to always prevail: hence the troubled state of the world, and this email. I suppose though people on the 10th floor and above will just about be safe when the sea-level starts rising, though it's going to make it a little more difficult to get your taxi home at midnight. 

"That's the serious bit done. Perhaps I should have just gone to Speakers' Corner and bored the pigeons there instead (not that I am suggesting a pigeon's average day is less rewarding and challenging than a trainee's), but the temptation to waste a minute of 250 people's time proved too great. Those four wasted hours cancel out my productive efforts for the previous month.

"Keep well and if you ever want a safe house in foreign lands not affected by extradition treaties, feel free to drop by. If you could bring some basic supplies (medical and military in particular) that would be great - and your BlackBerry might be useful too.

[name deleted]

"P.S. By the time you get this, I will have already left the building to avoid an angry lynch-mob of partners. So your reply will be in vain."

Another rewarding and challenging day in the City