Daily Diary

Spiked: Law leaders to save world with puff-neutral revolution

Posted 6/03/2007 by The Daily Diary

Spiked: the Legal Week scoops that didn't quite make it

Law leaders to save world with puff-neutral revolution

By Arlex Wrighterese

A growing number of top UK law firms are going puff-neutral, according to new research that shows the legal profession has become a strong convert to corporate self-promotion responsibility (CS-PR).

The policy sees City firms counteract noxious emissions, hot air and outrageous pork-pies emanating from partners across the Square Mile with a targeted campaign of straight-talking in certain pre-defined areas.

Supporters of the puff-neutral concept argue that it allows firms to offset the damaging rubbish they emit through email and the internet without the devastating economic constraints to the legal PR community a simple cut in emissions would entail.

“The key thing is that the system balances something Karmic or other,” said one partner. “We can carrying on talking nonsense about work-life balance, client focus and pro bono as long as we find ways of telling the truth in other avenues. I’m just off to tell a bunch of five-year-olds that Santa Claus is a bastard lie and where babies really come from.”

Such enthusiasm has even led to calls to set up a puff-trading scheme for law firms, whereby high street and human rights lawyers could sell their unused bullshit quota to City firms that need it to compensate for their dodgy clients, relentless use of first-class air travel and document production functions that could take out a rainforest.

“This has really moved up the agenda,” said one managing partner. “A few years ago people accepted the idea that working for a City law firm was like playing Connect Four with the devil. Now all you have to do is turn up at some iffy inner-city comp once a year, bang on about diversity and you’re clean as a whistle.”

However, the policy has received criticism from some quarters who argue that it is rubbish.

“What’s next - headcount-neutral serial killers who offset murder by impregnating someone?” said someone in-no-way made up by The Diary.

A City partner yesterday: "The work's great and we have a juice bar."