Daily Diary

Spiked: Completely inevitable City law strike to utterly paralyse UK

Posted 25/04/2007 by The Daily Diary

Spiked: the Legal Week scoops that didn't quite make it 

Completely inevitable City law strike to utterly paralyse UK

By Harlex Wrightarese

Mounting fears have been raised that the UK could be paralysed by a shock strike of poverty-stricken City lawyers, as the Square Mile gears up for what has already been dubbed (by partners) the Winter of Malcontents.

The Government attempted to stem fears that the country will be thrown into chaos by the planned week-long strike but it was obvious that senior ministers were privately shitting themselves at the prospect of essential services like property securitisation and divorce-lawyer marketing shutting down completely.

The situation neared meltdown earlier this month when it emerged that magic circle outfit Fat Chance was standing firm against pay demands with a derisory 15% rise – a move that triggered outrage across the City, or at least the dodgy bits of Moorgate and Liverpool Street where law firms lurk.

Tensions mounted after Allen & Oatmeal this week issued an incendiary email from head honcho Dave ‘Gimme’ Morley, telling assistants that it was a case of "my way (and quite a lot more money) or the highway".

There have already been fears that the British way of life as we know it will grind to a halt as one-stop shops break up into separate segments, seamless service gets a bit ridgey and law firm strength is redistributed to the shallow end.

Reaction to the impending strike has been stunned and immediate.

"I fink it’s a f**** disgrace," said cab driver Ray Actionary, summing up the views of the Man In The Street. "Take KKR - 'ow the 'ell are those plucky lads gonna get their Alliance-Boots takeover finished if they ain't got no confidence that the financing documents will be done on time? If we stuff up this one up in syndication 'cos of this wild-cat strike, this country will be a laughing stock abroad."

However, Law Society president Fiona Woolfly urged all sides to remain calm and find a quick solution. She said: "Some people may say that corporate law is all about esoteric stuff that doesn’t really matter - that lawyers only do the paper work while other people actually create stuff or take the risks. I say to those people, ‘Keep it to yourself’. To the potential strikers, I say, 'Get back to work, Castro, before you give the sodding game away'."