Daily Diary

Diary Managerial Masterclass - Chris Mort

Posted 25/01/2008 by The Daily Diary

If there’s one position more high-profile than being a partner at the UK’s most accident-prone law firm (Freshfields ousted Hammonds from that position some time in the middle of last year), it’s running a Premiership football club. So there could be no-one better to resuscitate – for one time only – the old favourite that is the Diary Managerial Masterclass than Chris Mort, Freshfields partner and chairman of Newcastle United Comedy Cl—sorry, Football Club.

Good day to you. Or as we say in the chilly northeast (which I occasionally visit), ‘Whay-aye there, mon!’

So, Newcastle United has its messiah. Its talisman. Its northern rock. And this week I decided to add to my management team, bringing in a talented youngster to stand at my side as we embark on this exciting adventure. That man is Kevin Keegan. You may have heard of him. (I hadn’t, but there you go.)

Yes, we’re falling down the Premier League table faster than a suicidal capital markets lawyer jumping out his office window. (Now that’s what I call a credit crunch!) So just like a law firm very sensibly and not-at-all-contentiously mucking around with its pension arrangements, we had to act decisively.

That’s why I recently went public with a list of criteria we wanted in the new boss – the ability to win with style, the ability to speak English and, crucially, the vision to develop the club’s youth team set-up. Because we have to look to the future. And what screams ‘planning for the future’ louder than appointing a guy who first resigned from the job 11 years ago?

You see, you have to be proactive. I didn’t get to be co-head of the leisure sector group at a respected City law firm by swanning around hotels and casinos hobnobbing with the great and good. Well okay, that’s exactly how I did it, but you get the idea.

And the plucky up-and-comer I’ve plucked from obscurity is the fellow those fat, topless men who turn up to matches apparently call ‘King Kev’. He ticks all the boxes, except the one about winning stuff. He’s English, you see.

Some people suggested we hire that Hitzfeld chap at Bayern Munich – but after Freshfields, I’ve had it with Germans in management roles. So I say get behind the team, go and score one of those try-goal-conversion things… and howay the lads!

Now, on the subject of nurturing new talent… I’m off to interview a young chap called Bloxham about a job. Gan canny!

Mortified: the Geordie messiah meets Keegan